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The Battle of The Cooks

Written by Larry Von Feitzel

October 9, 2020

Photo By: AP Photo/Ted S. Warren

There comes a moment in a man’s life when an immovable object meets an unstoppable force.  The Minnesota Vikings have the hottest offense on planet earth and Russell Wilson is the greatest player to ever grace a gridiron.  Dalvin “the league rushing leader” Cook is Cooking. Thielen and Jefferson are better than him and Diggs, and Cousins is not shitting the bed.  Justin Jefferson has almost 300 yards receiving over the last two weeks and Captain Kirk hasn’t thrown an interception in a week.  The Seahawks have one of the worst pass defenses in the NFL so expect the Vikings to put up a million points.  Even though the Vikings D doesn’t stand a chance, they now have a preseason’s worth of games under their belt.  Harrison Smith getting senselessly ejected last game is gonna light a fire under this young defense and Mike Zimmer is gonna coach the hell out of them. 

However, The Seahawks are the best team in the NFL when Russell Wilson is cooking.  Russ is the most elusive, the most un-sackable, the most prolific passer, and the most important thing he has a team built around him.  DK Metcalf and Tyler Lockett are quietly becoming the best WR duo in the league.  The only problem is they keep lining the vacated corpse of Greg Olsen at TE for some reason.  Chris Carson being banged up isn’t ideal, but this team completely flipped the switch on the running game this year.  He won’t get much production anyway: Averaging 13.3 carries per game isn’t missing value.  These minor inconveniences aside, don’t let the boring Seahawks game over the dolphins fool you.  They still covered the spread and dominated the game holding them to just one lucky Fitzmagic rushing TD (and also making them settle for a bunch of field goals).

Photo By: Vashti Hurt via

The problem with this game lies in the spread.  I am 3-0 when betting on the Seahawks this year so their spread is always a lock but -7 is very bold.  I’m not saying don’t take it, but on Sunday the Seahawks are winning by a touchdown if they win this game and I don’t gamble to push.  The Seahawks have won by at least a touchdown the last two games they played the Vikings in (37-30 and 21-7), so the logical conclusion is Seahawks ML is a lock and the over at 57 is a lock…

Photo By: Bettina Hansen / The Seattle Times via

BUT! Forget not the circumstances.  The 12th man is DEAD.  There are no fans this year.  No one to live rent free in Kirk Cousin’s head.  No pressure to crumble under.  Will we see a primetime Kirk Cousins performance that doesn’t end in a garbage interception? Possibly.  What we will see is a cooking showdown; it’s the battle of the elusive backs Russ and Dalvin and only one can be Top Chef All I know is I see circumstances to make a lot of money right now so I’m railing the Vikings ML +265!!!!!


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