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Guess who lost all their bets this week

Written by bathboyian

October 19, 2020

Loss | NFL

Wow, what a fucking dumpster fire this week was for me. First, I lost all of my MLS bets – which I kinda deserved after the whopping 5 minutes of research I did beforehand. But yesterday was the creme de la creme of getting my ass kicked by my sportsbook.

Let’s go down the list shall we?

The Patriots somehow lost to Drew Lock and the Broncos. I’m sure that game single-handedly emptied the bank account of millions of sports bettors.

The Falcons get their first win of the season over the smelly Vikings. That game wasn’t even close! Good grief the Vikings stink. DISCUSTANG!

Also, my wacky parlay got OBLITERATED by the Browns and the Packers. I knew the Browns were a wacky pick, but I did NOT SEE Aaron Rodgers getting his fudge packed in as hard as he did by the Buccs. Fantasy fun fact: Aaron Rodgers posted the lowest score in his career (3.8) this week in fantasy. Well maybe, I saw it somewhere on Twitter but now I can’t seem to fact check it. Either way, the Packers got (ship)wrecked by Tampa Tom and Ronald Jones. I would’ve bet my left nut that the Packers would’ve covered that -2 spread and more, but thank god DraftKings won’t accept my body parts as payment.

this celebration aged nicely via Larry Brown Sports

And here comes the SNF cherry on top – the Rams vs 49ers. The Rams were -2.5 favorites going into the game and I thought that was BONKERS. The 4-1 Rams playing the same 49ers who got smoked by the Dolphins last week and had to bench Jimmy Gorgeous?? HAMMER THAT POINTS SPREAD TO CHINA!

image via my nightmares

That game was gross, so gross I turned it off because I couldn’t face my failures anymore. Yesterday absolutely RUINED me. Shoutout @fademecasually for actually seeing clearly and picking the 49ers.

So, now what? Well, there’s only one thing left to do… DIG MYSELF OUT OF MY GAMBLING HOLE BABY! These are my picks tonight and if you’re smart, you will fade both of them:

  • Bills +5.5 over Chiefs
  • Cardinals ML over Cowboys

See ya on the other side! Follow me on twitter: @bathboyian

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