The Lions (2-3) play the Falcons (1-5) in Atlanta this Sunday. Normally, this matchup wouldn’t catch my attention… except for the fact that it’s FREE FUCKING MONEY! So let’s call a spade a spade and call this game what it really is… a puke bowl. However, it’s a green puke bowl. Green as in the color of money. PUKE UP THAT CASH MONEY BABY! We’re all gonna be rich.
Ok so let’s get the easy play out of the way first: the total is currently 54.5 on my DraftKings sportsbook app (free advertising, you’re welcome DraftKings). Now here’s what I want you to do… go into your garage, grab a hammer, and SMASH THAT OVER! Now smash it again! Keep smashing that shit until it’s dust. If your neighbor looks at you funny because you’re smashing a metaphorical object with a physical hammer, go over to his house and smash his wife (with your penis, not the hammer). Then as you’re putting your pants back on and walking out of his house, cooly say to him “nothing metaphoric about that, cuck.”
The Lions offense averages 27 points per game. The Falcons offense also averages 27 points per game. So, quick math, adding those 2 averages together gets you 54. Makes sense that the total is hovering around that number. However, both of these defenses STINK. The Lions defense ranks 21st in the league and allows an average of 29 points per game. And if you think that’s bad, just wait until I dig the Falcons defense out of the trash. They’re ranked 31st in the league and allow a whopping 31 points per game. Couple that with these two teams’ offenses, and you got OVER CITY!
Now here’s where things get interesting… the Lions are +2.5 underdogs and I love it. Apparently, since the Falcons fired Dan Quinn and beat the Vikings last week, that gives them the edge. Fuck that. Take the Lions ML, it’s great value. The Falcons are cursed. And I’m not betting against that curse. Either way, just remember to HAMMER THE OVER! FUCK YOUR NEIGHBOR’S WIFE! WIN FREE MONEY!
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