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MNF Week 7: Does a Bear Poop in the (Robert) Woods?

Written by bathboyian

October 26, 2020

NFL

Ahh, a normal Monday Night Football schedule. No last minute doubleheaders, no games starting before work ends. Just a classic solo MNF game with shitty ESPN commentary. All we need is Booger to get back in the booth and the world will be at peace. Just kidding, stay the fuck where you are Booger. You make my ears bleed. Tonight’s matchup features the Chicago Bears (+6) vs the LA Rams in the SoFi Stadium. So really, the question is does a bear shit in the SoFi stadium? I mean I would. I’d shit my pants as soon as I walk in. Look at this fucking place – it’s a goddamn spaceship (cussing quota met).

The Bears are 6 point underdogs vs the Rams tonight. And you know what? I think that’s a CRIME! I can’t believe what I’m about to say, but I think you hammer the Bears spread. In fact, I actually think the Bears might win this game, let alone cover 6 points. If you want to go Bears balls to the wall, take them to win outright (ML +225). The Bears might be frauds as a 5-1 team, but you know who’s even bigger frauds? The LA Rams! The Rams are kings of Fraud Land. I’ve lost more money betting on the Rams than on my friends’ multi-level marketing schemes. Sure, their offense is ranked 10th and their defense is ranked 6th overall in the league, but that just further proves my point. They don’t think they’re frauds. Which makes them the MOST fraud of all! The 49ers proved it last week when they dominated them on primetime SNF. Jimmy G carved them up lamb gyro style with 3 TDs. Can the Sausage King of Chicago, Nick Foles, do the same? Probably not, but the Bears defense was able to stop Tampa Tom. I’m betting they can do the same with Jared Goff, even if he correctly knows what down it is.

So take the Bears at (+6), they might just somehow find a way to stumble ass-backwards into another win. However, if they get waxed by the Rams tonight, expect EVERYONE in the fanbase to demand Mitch Trubisky back as starting QB. They will have a total identity crisis meltdown because they finally lost to a team that was supposed to beat them. That actually will be really entertaining to watch. Either way it’s a win/win for me.

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