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The Pissing Contest

Written by shadowhedging

November 1, 2020

It happens every year: your star fantasy player – your drafted pride and joy – has been absolutely plundered by God’s tip and is out for the foreseeable future. So you exhaust the waiver wire only to find a sad and lonely Jalen Richard there to greet you and chauffeur you straight to the loser’s bracket. Say goodbye to your entry fee; hopefully it was less than $20.

“Well, that’s okay.” You think, “It’s about having fun.”

Wrong. You wanted to win. You needed to win. You are a degenerate. How do I know? Because you frequent blogs about sports betting written by self-acclaimed degenerates. But fret not, I am here to guide you out of the dark and back into the light of winning.

First thing’s first: forget about your current league. In fact, go right ahead and delete that God forsaken, wretched Yahoo Fantasy app that should never have made it past beta testing.

Now, welcome one and all to the greatest thing that has ever happened to fantasy sports: The Pissing Contest.

Presented by Fade Me Casually and yours truly, the Pissing Contest is a mid-season, two-team, high-scoring fantasy football league designed to preserve your manhood and your wallet. Here are the rules.

  1. After bare minimum research, I found a site with an easy way to start a 1v1 league to begin your own Pissing Contest. Check it out here.
  2. Identify your victim. If you’re smart, you will approach the stupidest man in your league. Antagonize him. Emasculate him. Degrade him to a point of absolute humiliation, where he simply doesn’t have a choice. And then convince him to put $100 on the line each week. 
  3. I know you think you’re smart, and so does your victim. Compared to the computer, however, you might as well be Vic Fangio trying to manage the clock. Let the AI take charge by creating a “Best Ball” draft to let statistical, technological magic happen week to week– you prep for the draft. 
  4. Draft like ya mama taught ya.
  5. Be sure to draft a kicker, because there are no trades or waiver pick-ups. Failing to complete this task could result in YOU becoming the stupidest man in your league, just as I did. 

Fade Me Casually and myself will be updating you each week as the season progresses (until I inevitably DDOS the entire site when I realize that without a kicker I may lose a blue cheese bill every week).

Should you do as I say (and not as I do), you will find yourself triumphant with some extra cash in your pocket. 

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