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Midday Parlay

Written by shadowhedging

November 8, 2020

Hey ugly! Yeah you. You probably need a surefire way to make money before the primetime games so you can lose all your money on the primetime games. Well, your prayers have been answered; I am here to share with you my Midday Parlay. I will tell you the results of the 1 p.m. Sunday games before they even start. I am the closest thing to clairvoyance you will ever get, and I am the only one of my colleagues to predict the Bengals-Eagles tie and triple my net worth*. Yeah, I bet you wish you knew me then. 

Here’s the sitch:

Seahawks:____________________________________________________________-3 (Even)

    Will be a shootout, but Donkey Kong and Tyler Lockett remain elite receivers under Russ this season.

Broncos:______________________________________________________________+4 (-110)

    Broncos are hot off their last win over the Chargers, and the Falcons are even worse than LA.

Bears:______________________________________________________________+6.5 (-105)

    Bears’ offense is nothing to write home about, but the Titans will be arriving in a clown car from their loss to the Bengals last week.

Lions:________________________________________________________________+4 (-110)

    Stafford is officially off the COVID reserve, and Cousins is actively trying to get to the lowest QBR spot in the league this season. Dalvin Cook would need to dRoP aNotHeR 50 BuRgEr to get it done.

Ravens:_______________________________________________________________-1 (-110)

    No explanation needed.

Chiefs:_______________________________________________________________-10 (-110)

    Is an explanation needed?

Texans:_____________________________________________________________-6.5 (-120)

    Deshaun Watson is certainly overrated, but so are the Jaguars (and that’s saying something).

Football Team:_______________________________________________________-2.5 (-120)

    Jesus couldn’t help the Giants.

Stick with me, and you WILL make money**.

*Nothing in this statement is true, hell who even remembers if that was a noon game.

**Results may vary.


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