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Turkey Roasts: What NOT to bring up about every NFL team during Thanksgiving

Written by Johnny Walks

November 24, 2020


Thanksgiving is upon us and with the holiday comes debates and discussions. Some civil and some not. A huge topic every year for most families is football, especially NFL. Do you want to know how to make your family members and in-laws rage by saying one thing about their team? Here is my list of one liners for each NFL team that you should avoid saying. Or do it anyway and watch them squirm. Anything is better than politics, right?

  1. Bills: You won’t win beyond their division and won’t make a playoff run.
  2. Dolphins (This one hurts): Tua is a bust and Miami won’t make the playoffs with him.
  3. Patriots: They needed Brady and won’t win for a very long time.
  4. Jets: You need alot more than just Trevor Lawrence and will forever be 4 in the AFC East.
  5. Chiefs: You have an easy schedule and aren’t good enough to win again.
  6. Raiders: Just bring up how they lost 36- 20 against the Pats. Also Derek Carr isn’t even top 10.
  7. Broncos: You beat a bad Miami offense and a -13 turnover differential.
  8. Chargers: One possession from beating, the Raiders, Broncos, Saints, Bucs, Panthers, and Chiefs. Also what’s the difference between the dollar bill and the Chargers? You can get 4 quarters out of the dollar bill.
  9. Steelers: Big Ben will only get more tired and injured because he can’t last a whole season and playoff run.
  10. Browns: You still aren’t good with the best WR core a great RB and Baker Mayfield. Win or lose you still have to go back to Cleveland.
  11. Ravens: Lamar Jackson is a flash in the pan because defenses aren’t incompetent this year.
  12. Bengals: The full recovery time for Joe Burrow is about 1 year.
  13. Colts: Philip Rivers is you starting QB nuff said.
  14. Titans: You need Derrick Henry to run for 100 yards per game to even have a chance. He is going to slow down as the season progresses.
  15. Texans: Deshaun Watson is only good in madden.
  16. Jags: Minshew is a bust and was never good and never will be good. Also his mustache is stupid.
  17. Eagles: Even if you win the division, you will get blown out first round and continue to be a laughing stock.
  18. Giants: You are tied for last in the worst division also Daniel Jones is better at throwing to the defense than offense.
  19. Washington: Just because Alex Smith made an inspiring return doesn’t mean he should be a starting QB in the league.
  20. Cowboys: Dak Prescott will never be the same and you will stay bad for years.
  21. Rams: Jalen Ramsey can’t cover decent WR’s in man.
  22. Seahawks: Russel Wilson shouldn’t get MVP.
  23. Cardinals: Buddha Baker is a dirty player.
  24. 49ers: Just remind them of George Kittle and Nick Bosa. *Disclaimer* They might cry at this one.
  25. Packers: You won’t be a Super Bowl contender without a run defense.
  27. Vikings: Kirk Cousins is holding the offense back.
  28. Lions: Matthew Stafford is a fraud and if you spent less time on TikTok and more on football you might be better than 4-6.
  29. Saints: Drew Brees will retire after this year because he won’t be as good as before he was injured.
  30. Buccs: Antonio Brown is a criminal.
  31. Panthers: Christian McCaffrey will never again be 100%.
  32. Falcons: Bring up how old Julio Jones is.


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