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Police Report: Dolphins Robbed

Written by Johnny Walks

December 22, 2020

NFL

On the 21st of December, at approximately 4 pm, a crime was committed against myself and any person who holds integrity, justice, and the meaning of sports dear. The police refused to take this seriously, so I took it upon myself to write my own police report.

First, the Backstory. Every year towards the end of the NFL regular season, the fans, coaches, and players vote on who will be selected to the Pro Bowl. It is similar to the presidential election but more important and complex. The fans who makeup 1/3 of the voting equation vote on NFL.com and fill out a form for the players most deserving of a Pro Bowl appearance.

Where were the crimes committed, you might ask? It is clear the crimes were committed indeed on NFL.com. As a democratic enthusiast myself, I refused to vote multiple times as many voters do. Yes, I am referring to voter fraud. There is a way for criminals and haters of democracy to vote multiple times by creating alternate accounts. All it takes is access to the internet and multiple email addresses to commit such a heinous act. As an NFL enthusiast, of course, I was aware of the possibility of fraud, but I prayed it wasn’t taken advantage of. My prayers were not answered.

Evidence:

All it took was a simple Twitter search to find evidence and the culprits. It was as if the criminals were mocking democracy and all things we as Americans cherish. Do they not have remorse? I am sick of sharing my findings, but it is my duty to observe and report.

Evidence conclusion:

The evidence brought forth above is only a very small sample size of the actual amount of evidence out there, upwards of thousands of cases and criminals who didn’t advertise their crimes online.

Suspects:

Much like evidence, there are too many suspects to count. Thousands of criminals may have committed Pro Bowl voter fraud. We can assume each team had about the same number of cases because it is impossible to speculate what team has the most perpetrators (outside the Patriots as they are known cheaters). We can, however, compare the biggest fanbases with the most perpetrators: the more fans = the more perpetrators. For example, multiple Steelers players got large amounts of votes, and a team like Miami, who had equal or more Pro Bowl hopefuls got little. According to BOLA VIP, The Steelers have 6.3 million fans, and Miami has a mere 2.3 million.

Sentencing:

This may be a police report, but it is a special type of report that also includes sentencing. The entire Pro Bowl voting has been stripped of verification due to the number of fraud cases. The voting results can no longer be trusted. The court and police department have decided to invoke a law much like Martial Law minus the actual military action. The real Pro Bowler list is as follows.

*Note some picks may be the same as the unnoficial list*

AFC

QBPatrick Mahomes*Chiefs
QBJosh AllenBills
QBJustin HerbertChargers
RBDerrick Henry*Titans
RBNick ChubbBrowns
RBMyles GaskinDolphins
WRTyreek Hill*Chiefs
WRDevante ParkerDolphins
WRKeenan AllenChargers
WRA.J. BrownTitans
TETravis Kelce*Chiefs
TEMike GesickiDolphins
FBPatrick Ricard*Ravens
TLaremy Tunsil*Texans
TJesse DavisDolphins
TOrlando BrownRavens
GQuenton Nelson*Colts
GJoel Bitonio*Browns
GDavid DeCastroSteelers
CTed KarrasDolphins
CRyan KellyColts
DEMyles Garrett*Browns
DEEmmanuel OgbahChargers
DEChristian WilkinsDolphins
DTChris Jones*Chiefs
DTCameron Heyward*Steelers
DTCalais CampbellRavens
OLBT.J. Watt*Steelers
OLBKyle Van NoyDolphins
OLBJerome BakerDolphins
ILBDarius Leonard*Colts
ILBTremaine EdmundsBills
CBXavien Howard*Dolphins
CBByron JonesDolphins
CBMarlon HumphreyRavens
CBNoah IgbinogheneDolphins
FSMinkah Fitzpatrick*Steelers
FSJustin SimmonsBroncos
SSErick RoweDolphins
LSMorgan Cox*Ravens
PMatt HaackDolphins
KJason SandersDolphins
RSAndre Roberts*Bills
STMatthew SlaterPatriots

NFC

QBAaron Rodgers*Packers
QBRussell WilsonSeahawks
QBKyler MurrayCardinals
RBDalvin Cook*Vikings
RBAlvin KamaraSaints
RBAaron JonesPackers
WRDavante Adams*Packers
WRDeAndre Hopkins*Cardinals
WRDK MetcalfSeahawks
WRJustin JeffersonVikings
TET.J. Hockenson*Lions
TEEvan EngramGiants
FBKyle Juszczyk*49ers
TDavid Bakhtiari*Packers
TTrent Williams*49ers
TTerron ArmsteadSaints
GBrandon Scherff*Washington Football Team
GElgton Jenkins*Packers
GAndrus PeatSaints
CJason Kelce*Eagles
CFrank RagnowLions
DECameron Jordan*Saints
DEBrandon Graham*Eagles
DEChase YoungWashington Football Team
DTAaron Donald*Rams
DTFletcher Cox*Eagles
DTGrady JarrettFalcons
OLBKhalil Mack*Bears
OLBZa’Darius Smith*Packers
OLBJason Pierre-PaulBuccaneers
ILBBobby Wagner*Seahawks
ILBFred Warner49ers
CBJalen Ramsey*Rams
CBJaire Alexander*Packers
CBMarshon LattimoreSaints
CBJames BradberryGiants
FSQuandre Diggs*Seahawks
SSBudda Baker*Cardinals
SSJamal AdamsSeahawks
LSTyler Ott*Seahawks
PJack Fox*Lions
KYounghoe Koo*Falcons
RSCordarrelle Patterson*Bears
STNick Bellore*Seahawks

To conclude, Roger Goodell is a criminal and the Pro Bowl was rigged. Only 3 things that should be guaranteed in life: Death, Taxes and Voting only once for the Pro Bowl.

-JJ Walks, NFL P.D.

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