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PUPPY BOWL XVII

Written by shadowhedging

February 7, 2021

Another NFL post-season is coming to a close and you know what that means. The two best teams face off head to head in what always proves to be the most exciting game of the year. Yes, the Puppy Bowl is finally here in its 17th iteration, so follow my advice to capitalize on this momentous battle of speed, stamina, and shrewdness. 

For those cave dwellers who are unfamiliar, the Puppy Bowl is a sporting contest unrivaled by any other, although the rules are not apparent. Just remember to throw all the money you have (that isn’t already tied down in GME or DOGE) onto this game and enjoy the show.

According to analysts via Sports Betting Dime (as of Feb. 5), Team Ruff is the apple of Vegas’ eye with a moneyline of -140. “Hammer the Ruff and fade the Fluff,” that’s my mantra. Since the crazy concept of keeping score during a championship game was introduced in the historic year of 2015 anno Domini, team Fluff has never led a series. It has been a vicious game of tug o’ war between the puppies, each team trading licks for the past six years. We can see from the scoreboards of yesteryears that since 2015, team Ruff has scored an average of 60 points per game with the Fluffs hot on their tails with ~59. Very close indeed, but since team Fluff won last year, the law of averages affirms that team Ruff will be victorious in 2021.

However, the scores also tell a different, more disturbing story; the refs recently started to stick their wet noses where they don’t belong, surely at the behest of Commissioner Roger Goodell to keep the games close in an attempt to raise revenue (will that man ever just throw in the chew toy and step down?). 

Now, onto the MVP candidates. The males have -130 odds while the females get in at -110. Clear misogyny if you ask me, since the males have won the award the same number of times as females in recent years. It’s 2021 you guys, take the bitches to clinch MVP.

Have any questions, concerns, or just wanna argue?

Follow me on twitter @shadowhedging

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